The Darkness Inside
by J-Rod67
Summary: The darkness was crawling, reaching to drag Clarke down. It had finally taken it's hold, and it wasn't going to let her go easily. Post S2E8. Suggestive Bellarke. One-shot or two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

Her whole life, she had someone ruling over her: parents, teachers, the chancellor, and even her supervising doctors. There was always someone telling her what to do and when to do it. The one time Clarke didn't listen to anyone was the time she was sentenced to jail. The rules kept everyone on The Ark alive and safe. Without them, there would be chaos and they wouldn't have survived the 97 years they did.

But down on Earth, there were no rules to follow. No one was there to tell her what to do or give guidelines on what is wrong or right. Having no rules had changed whom Clarke was on the inside. Bellamy could say all he wants that who we are and who we need to be to survive were two different things, but that wasn't true for her. It may have been in the beginning, but not any more. Not since…Finn…

Going back to camp wasn't an option right now. She couldn't bear to face those at Camp Jaha…especially Raven.

_"If she won't let him go, kill her."_

Those words from Raven rang through her ears. Raven wanted her to save Finn…at any cost. It's what Raven would do if she could go in Clarke's place. But instead, she was relying on Clarke.

_ "Clarke, you have to help him."_

There was no one else who could help him. The whole camp was ok with him being sacrificed to save their lives. Even her mom couldn't do anything. As the Chancellor, she couldn't go against the peoples' will out in the open. Other than Raven, Bellamy, Octavia, and Murphy, none of the 100 were here with her to stand up to the Grounders. So it was up to her.

But as she walked to meet the Commander, Clarke knew what she had to do. Raven would eventually understand…someday. She knew that the Commander would reject her proposal of taking her for Finn, so the only thing to do was to get as close as possible and help him the only way she could. As she walked towards him, Clarke drank him in as much as possible. The way his brown hair had started to curl at the ends, the way his eyes rose to meet hers, love filled to the brim in his brown eyes. How could she have ever doubted that he loved her? How could she have ever doubted that she loved him? They had both done terrible things, but in the end, their love was stronger than it all. And it was her love for him that led her to this. She would do anything for him.

In the end, she knew the only thing that Clarke could do for Finn…was to let him go. With one final kiss, she ended it all. Ended his life and ended their love story.

There was real gratitude in his eyes when he realized what she was doing. He knew that this was the final gift she could give him. By killing Finn, she had sacrificed part of herself. The last part of Clarke Griffin from the Ark had died along with Finn.

So instead of facing Raven, her mother, and everyone else, Clarke left them behind and went to the one place she could be alone. The one place that was hers and Finn's alone. It was quite a ways hike to the 'art supply store', but Clarke knew the way there by heart. She made it there just before dawn, but instead of going in, she sat down outside of it. The same place they had watched as Raven's drop ship fall from space. Clark sank to her knees, beating the ground with her fist.

"Why? Why did it have to be Finn! He was a good guy…one of the best! Why!" she screamed. Clarke felt tears fall from her eyes freely, staining the green grass. Sinking back, she wrapped her arms around her knees and sobbed. She let it all out. Her rage, her sadness, her shame. For Finn, for Atom, for her father, for Wells, for everyone that had died in her life. After a while, her sobs stopped and settled into a deep ache within her chest. She finally felt the cold of the night as it settled deep in to her bones. Clarke shivered uncontrollably, from both the cold and her actions of tonight.

A hand suddenly settled on her shoulder, lightly touching her in an affectionate way as to show it meant no harm.

Instinctively, Clarke knew who it was. He was the only person that would know how to get here in the dark and actually do it, risking his life to get here.

"Bellamy…"she whispered quietly. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate his concern, but she wanted to be alone. She couldn't handle how he would look at her, knowing what Clarke had done.

"I figured you wouldn't want to be around anyone you actually liked," he said softly. Those were the same words she had said to him so long ago. But they weren't the same…_she_ wasn't the same. And this time, she didn't want to be around anyone, let alone Bellamy. Instead of replying to him, she simply sat there in silence, gripping her knees tighter. Clarke was tired. Not just tired, she was exhausted. She couldn't handle it any more: the responsibility, the leadership, the constant eyes watching her. She had run off a cliff and fallen off with no end in sight and no turning back.

She felt Bellamy sit beside her, close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off of him but far enough away that they weren't touching. Clarke knew what he was doing. Letting her know he was there for her, in whatever way she needed. Whether he needed to be a punching bag or a shoulder to cry on or simply a friend to sit with, he was there, waiting for her. Clarke felt gratitude seep through her. Bellamy was the only one who would know exactly how to handle this. How to be there for her in the exact way that she needed.

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Clarke had no words. She couldn't tell Bellamy how she was feeling. Hell, _she_ couldn't even figure out her own feelings. Her love for Finn was so strong, and yet, it was being swallowed. The longer time went on, the more the hatred filled her. Hatred for his actions that lead to his sacrifice. Hatred for her people for letting this happen. Most of all, hatred for herself. For everything she had become and everything she had done. Killing Finn had killed part of her and let loose the darkness inside of her. She had held it back as long as possible, but from the moment she landed on Earth, it was there. A darkness that Finn had kept chained. Without him there, it was loose, and Clarke was terrified of what she would become.

She felt a soft weight settle around her shoulders, and glanced up to see Bellamy's jacket around her. He didn't say a word as he did it, but she silently thanked him with her eyes. Clarke hadn't realized it, but she had been shivering uncontrollably.

"Bellamy," she whispered, looking him in the eyes. Bellamy said nothing, but instead pulled her against his chest. She let him, leaning into him even. Bellamy was strong where she was weak. His heart beat, giving her a rhythm to think about, to focus on. "Bellamy, tell me a story."

Bellamy wrapped his arms around Clarke and settled deeper against the tree. "There once was a princess. She lived in a large, glass castle for her entire life, never venturing outside of the walls surrounding it. But one day, the princess ventured outside of the walls, disguising herself as a peasant. She spent all day in the town, interacting with her people. They were kind to her, and she to them. She had brought many little gifts with her and gave them to the townsfolk as she shopped. While out, she met a young man. He was a crafter who worked with metal. She spent a great deal of time with him, and he gifted her with a small figure of a deer. In return, she gave him a sign of her gratitude: a kiss. She gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"As time went on, the princess continued to visit him. Eventually, she revealed her identity to the crafter. He accepted her as she was and understood why she had lied to him. After a year of secret meetings, it was time for the princess to be crowned Queen. But the crafter had been drafted for battle. He was to be sent to the front lines of the war. The princess didn't want him to go, and begged him not to. But he knew he had to. He would put her and his friends first. He wouldn't let someone else go in his place. So with a confession of love and a final kiss good-bye, he left to fight for her.

"Days later, the princess was given the news that he had sacrificed himself to save the rest of the army. The battle had been won thanks to the crafter. The princess cried for days, but at her coronation, she held her head up high. She invited the people of the town to watch and join her in the celebration. They were shocked that the loving, kind girl who had shown up with gifts was now their Queen. But they knew she would be a great Queen, a kind one.

"Many years later, the Queen married and had a son. His name….was Finn, after the crafter. They enjoyed years of peace during and after the Queen's reign. Finn's sacrifice lead to the kingdom prospering and happiness," Bellamy finished the story, pulling Clarke closer to him. Tears had dripped down her eyes onto Bellamy's arm, but she didn't wipe them from her eyes. Instead, she closed them and breathed in the scent of the forest around them mixing with Bellamy's scent of leather from his jacket. Clarke didn't know how long it was before she fell asleep in Bellamy's arms.

Clarke woke up the next morning, still in Bellamy's arms. Her head was against his chest and her legs were draped over his. Glancing up through her lashes, she studied him as he slept. His face was completely relaxed and his breathing was even. She imagined this was how he looked when they were on the Ark. He wasn't worried about getting killed each day and he certainly wasn't worried about comforting a girl who had just killed their friend. But that was just a dream now. This was life.

"Trying to memorize my devilishly handsome face?" Clarke's eyes drifted to his and realized that he was looking at her with amusement. She felt heat drift through her and smiled gently.

Realizing she was still putting all her weight on him, she apologized, "I'm sorry for squishing you. I didn't even realize I fell asleep." Gently, she pushed up away from him, only to be drawn back down against him.

Her eyes widened as she looked up at him. Bellamy had closed his eyes once again, yawning as he sat there. "Mmm, let's just stay here for a little while longer, ok Princess?" he murmured sleepily.

Clarke stiffened at the name. Princess. Everything came rushing back to her. It was the last thing he had said to her. The last thing before she plunged a knife in his stomach and killed him. "Princess…I don't deserve that name any more. He called me that, deemed me that, but I killed him. I killed my friend. I killed the guy I love. I'm a monster," she spat, her voice showing she how obviously disgusted she was with herself. Before, she had felt sadness and even anger at Finn, but now, all she felt was self-loathing. She got up from leaning against Bellamy and walked away, pulling her arms tight around herself. Her fault…it was all her fault.

Bellamy suddenly stood in front of her, gripping her arms tight. "Clarke, you are not a monster. You did what you had to do, what Finn would have wanted you to do. You saved him from a horrible death. Don't torture yourself with the guilt. The more you let it get to you, the more you dishonor Finn's memory," Bellamy pleaded. He brought his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Clarke, we need you. _I_ need you. I can't do this by myself. If we're going to get the rest of our people back, we're going to need our princess." Clarke was speechless. One of the few times that had happened, especially against Bellamy. She usually had a retort, an argument, something to say back, but she had nothing. He was right. Looking into his blazing brown eyes, Clarke could see he meant every word.

"You're right," she whispered.

Bellamy's eyes widened, a slight murmur of amusement behind them. "What's that, princess? Did I hear you right? Did you just admit that I, Bellamy Blake the total ass, was right? This must be a miracle!" he joked, smiling. Just like that, he had gone from being a serious leader to a total jack ass.

Smiling, she punched him in the arm. "Don't expect that to happen again any time soon. I'd sooner throw myself into the pit full of spikes than let you win," she shot back. And just like that, Bellamy had distracted her from her worries, if just for a second. He had gotten her to smile a genuine smile. And with that, she knew it was going to be ok. Even the nickname princess didn't bother her. For every time he called her that, it would bring Finn back to them. If only for a second, she could almost feel his bright smile shining down on her.

_"Thanks, Princess."_

* * *

_Hey guys! Thanks for reading this! This was my thoughts on how Clarke would react to this afterwards, and minor Bellarke moments. I thought about putting in some more romancy stuff between them, but I feel like they wouldn't do that and dishonor Finn's memory. So here is some friendship fluff, just to show how close the two have gotten. This is just a one-shot, but if you guys like it enough, I may be inclined to add another more fluffy chapter. Please review! I love to hear from you guys and get any feedback that I can. Thanks again!_


	2. Chapter 2

I decided to make this a two-shot after I got a little bit of inspiration for this next part. It's based on the song "Not Broken" by Girl on Fire. It's an awesome song, go listen to it. This isn't directly after the first chapter, instead, I decided to go after the season 2 finale, after Clark has left Camp Jaha. So here is the story! Get ready for a little fluff;)

I don't own The 100.

3 months. That's how long Clarke had been gone from Camp Jaha. When she had turned from her people and shouldered the burden so they wouldn't have to. When Clarke had left the people from the Ark and the kids she had come to feel were family, she didn't know where she would go. Only that she had to get away because if she stayed there, it would kill her. Seeing the people she had saved would only remind her of the people she had sacrificed to save them. As strong and hardened as Clarke had become since landing on the Earth, she couldn't handle that. So, she said good-bye to Monty and Bellamy and walked into the forest.

The first month was the hardest. Clarke's instinct was to go back to the drop ship, but she knew her mother would come to look for her, and if not her mother, then Raven or someone else, and that would be the first place they looked. So instead, she walked. She stopped by the drop ship and grabbed some supplies that had been left there and moved on. Clarke climbed over stumps and cut her way through the dense forest as far as she could make it in a day and made a makeshift camp there. Not that she slept. Clarke made a fire, hoping to ward off any unwelcome animals and then piled up some leaves to lay down on. But when she closed her eyes, all she could see was her hand pulling the lever and the sounds of bodies dropping and writhing in pain. She tossed and turned fitfully for a few hours until the sun came up and lit the forest enough to allow her to continue her travels.

Clarke made it two more days of walking before she finally decided to settle there. She found an area by a river that was clear enough to make camp in. Gathering wood, she made a pile large enough to keep a fire going for a few days and then made to build a shelter. It took her a few days to chop the wood into the shapes that she needed and doing it alone didn't help. But she needed to do it alone. Working and sweating to build the shelter kept her mind off of the horrors she had just experienced. It was the nights that sent her into fits.

Eventually, she had built a shelter that would block the wind and some rain at least. But then, Clarke didn't know what to do with herself. Since the day she had landed, there had been something she had to do. Build camp for the hundred, fend the Grounders off, save her people from the Mountain Men, the list never stopped. But for the first time in months, Clarke only had herself to worry about.

And that was when she truly felt alone. Clarke sat in the forest, by herself, and even the forest was silent. There was no one there to rescue her and she had no one to rescue. It was then, that Clarke began to really reflect. Day by day, Clarke relived everything that had happened to her since she had landed on Earth. Remembering each and every decision she made and going through her emotions that lead her each decision helped her to understand who she had become. Clarke and the hundred had been put through challenges some people never even thought would be possible. And yet, here she was. She was alive. True, she wasn't the same person that she had been when she had landed. But that wasn't such a bad thing. The Clarke that had stepped out of the drop ship had been naïve and weak. But the Clarke that she looked at in the river's reflection was strong and confident. She had been chipped at and torn, but she wasn't broken. Clarke put up a fight to stay alive and keep her people alive, and so far, she had done just that. Battles had been lost, but they were still alive and they were still fighting.

After that first month alone, Clarke began to truly understand what had happened to her and to realize that yes, she had done horrible things, but she wasn't perfect. She couldn't be expected to make the right decision every time and she couldn't be looked to as an example. The next two months were some of the most peaceful moments of her life. She learned to make her own weapons and how to hunt like a true hunter, silently and deadly. Her instincts began to be her lifeline. Through trial and error, she learned what plants were deadly and what plants had healing capabilities. It was an enlightening three months. But of course, that couldn't be forever. She knew someone would come looking for her someday and she knew that they would eventually find her. And of course, that person was exactly who she knew would never stop looking. Bellamy.

Bellamy Blake, the most stubborn person Clarke had ever met. She knew that when she had said good-bye to him and didn't come back for months, that he would come looking. So when she heard twigs snapping and swearing from a ways away, Clarke immediately knew it was Bellamy. Sure, she could have run and hid. She knew the land like the back of her hand now. But she didn't. Clarke wasn't sure why, but a part of her told her to stay put and she trusted her instincts. So, Clarke sat down on a log and continued to cook the rabbit she had caught just an hour ago.

"Shit!" Clarke heard him swear loudly as a thump sounded and a loud crack rang out. Glancing up, Clarke saw him just yards away, kneeling on the ground with one knee and rubbing the other. She chuckled and went back to cooking the rabbit which was quickly making her mouth water from it's juicy scent. Within minutes, it would be ready to take off the fire and let cool. "Clarke."

Clarke didn't say anything, simply continued to stare at the rabbit as she pulled it from the fire and set it on the leaves she had set out. A shadow invaded her space, blocking the bright sun from her. She stiffened at the invasion of space, something that hadn't been a problem for months. "Damn it, Clarke, look at me," his voice demanded. Slowly, oh ever so slowly, she looked up at the face that had come to meet her only in her dreams for the last three months. His eyes met hers and instead of the anger she expect to see, all she saw was relief. She knew that her expression was blank and his relief quickly turned to anger. "Where the hell have you been, princess? Do you realize how long you've been gone? Three months! I understood you leaving to clear your head. Hell, I understood more than you realize. But three months? We thought you were dead! Your mother wanted to kill me for letting you leave! And what have you been doing all this time? Sitting here, cooking rabbits. Meanwhile, we've been back at camp, dealing with the repercussions of the decision WE made. I covered for you, but I expected you to come back. Yet, you didn't. Every day, I thought you wouldn't. And I bet you didn't even think of that did you? That we would be waiting for you to come back. Do you know how long I've been looking for you? A month and a half! Every day, I go out looking, each time going farther, covering a perimeter around the camp. But you've just been here, living comfortably in your shitty make shift fort, not worrying about us a bit. You're just the spoiled princess I thought you were from the very beginning."

During the rant, Bellamy had gotten pretty loud in the middle, but by the end, he was close to whispering. His fists clenched and unclenched, but he looked satisfied with his words.

"Are you done?" Clarke asked simply and calmly. Bellamy's eyebrows lifted but he nodded. "Good. Bellamy, I've never known you to be long winded, but gosh, that was a lot. Most of it was true, though. When I left, Bellamy, I was broken. Clarke was gone and only a shell was left. I know, I left and didn't come back, but I couldn't. I found myself out here, Bellamy. Since we came here, we've been the ones everyone looked to for leadership, but out here, I only had myself. And I needed that. I needed to learn to trust myself again. After…killing all of those people, all of those innocent people, I didn't know what was right and what was wrong any more. Lexa told me love was weakness and for a while, I thought she was right. But then, she betrayed us and I didn't know what to think any more. I'm not sorry that I stayed out here for this long, because I needed it. For the first time since we've landed, I put myself first."

Bellamy didn't say anything for a few seconds, just simply looked at her. When he did speak, she didn't expect anything he would say. "Clarke, I understand. I was angry at you the entire time you were gone, but I also understood. If I could have done the same thing, I would have. But while you needed to be alone, there was only one thing I needed," he said, his voice incredibly low, and dare she say, sexy. "I needed you." Her breath hitched. Clarke hadn't expected him to say that. "I needed my partner. I needed someone to confide in and talk with. I needed you there with me."

Clarke was dumbfounded. She had been prepared for angry Bellamy, for violent Bellamy, for arrogant Bellamy, not this soft, almost sad Bellamy. Standing up, she met him at eye level. His eyes followed hers and she heard his breath hitch for a second before returning to normal. Almost as if automatically, she reached up to touch his face. The last time they had seen each other, Clarke had kissed his cheek. It had been a farewell gesture and not something that she had planned to do, but had felt right. This was the same thing. Clarke stared into his eyes and smiled slightly. "Bellamy, when I left, I told you may we meet again. That wasn't something I said lightly. I wanted you to come look for me. But it had to be when we were both ready. Over the time that I've been here, I found myself and I found what I needed. You said that you need me. Well, Bellamy Blake, I need you." Without waiting, she pulled him to her and kissed him. It wasn't sweet or slow, but fast and full of need. Bellamy pulled her close and it was just what she needed. Over the months, she had realized her feelings for Bellamy went beyond a friend or a partner, but she didn't know if he felt the same way, until now. Bellamy's hands wandered over her but eventually landed on the sides of her face. All too soon, their kiss ended and they pulled away.

No words were exchanged, but she knew what he was thinking. Even with all of these months apart, Clarke could always tell what he was thinking. "You saved me when I killed Finn and you saved me after I killed everyone in the Mountain. You were the reason I was able to find myself again. Without you, I am nothing, just a cold, hard shell. But Bellamy, I love you," Clarke said, her voice confident and she smiled at him, something she hadn't done in months. And Bellamy smiled back, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Well finally princess. I thought I'd never get you to give up on being stubborn. I guess that would make me a prince then," he chuckled, suddenly the carefree Bellamy she imagined had always been buried underneath. He kissed her again, a sweet and loving kiss this time. "I love you too, princess. And I'm never letting you go this far again." Yes, Clarke was scratched, scarred, bruised, and beaten, but she wasn't broken. No, not by a long shot.


End file.
